I am a sponsor for my son's High School GSA, and plan to continue participating next year, as well. Is there anything I can do, and the other sponsors can do to teach them about safe sex between same gendered couples?
This is a great question! I would get the GSA together and have a group discussion about the issue and come up with some options - a few learning alternatives that you could see being received successfully by the students. I would then talk to the administration of the school, present these different ideas and discuss the red tape that will likely be around this. You might have to organize a separate event that is optional for parents to bring their children to. But it all depends on the temperament of the administration - if they are open minded and see the incredible benefit of this addition to sex education programs, they might work with you to incorporate it into their health class. But you should be prepared for some push back and have a plan to get around it. I think its all about having a good plan and communicating. Maybe even have some student advocates come with you to the admin meeting? Good luck with this and keep me posted.
chezsticky replied to your post: How can you tell that guy to keep letting his wife…
Absolutely! Sadly, people seem to still have outdated and unnecessarily limited views on monogamy. Can I just say that I am so proud to be following this blog. It’s amazingly fearless and eloquent at that. Keep up the amazing work!
Yes, I think the idea of non-monogamy brings up very fundamental fears for a majority of people. Non-monogamy threatens what we have all been socialized to think is quite natural - the heterosexual nuclear family. I think non-monogamy (which is not necessarily the same thing as polyamory I might add) pushes up against very naturalized and concretized concepts of sexuality and gender. Monogamy, particularly for “women”, is a deeply gendered attribute. It has been a staple of female sexuality, a repetitious act that assists in regulating both the gendered body and how it behaves sexually. Bodies that successfully perform “femininity” are absolutely monogamous, heterosexual and have a deep desire to have and raise children. By entering into non-monogamous spaces, these things become undone. It brings up issues of identity as well, again this is a deeply gendered issue. If women are defined by their ability to lure and maintain the interests of one man over a lifetime, then they are successful, they have meaning, they are now “complete” because they are situated within a “monogamous” relationship. “Women” are taught that until this ultimate relationship arrives in their life they are incomplete, not whole, not sufficient. Non-monogamy raises very deep anxieties about this because it problematizes this intrinsic identity issue. Now, I am not saying monogamy is invaluable - it certainly is and it works for many people. However, I think it is extremely useful to follow the discomfort the notion of non-monogamy brings up. Is it actually true that “women” are incomplete without a “man”? Absolutely not and I think we need to foster a society that support, across notions of gender, that all individuals are complete with or without the presence of a partner (or several).
We have role-played with cuckoldry. Last week I discovered my wife fucked a close friend of mine. We planned dinner with him at our home. I got called away to work. She left her patties out for me to discover when I got home late. There was wetness in our bed when I joined her already sleeping. They don't know I know. I got worried at first, then curious, and now I am constantly aroused by it. Lately, I have to work to avoid getting hard when we are all together. Now what? I think I want more.
If you want more it seems to me like you have everything set up to fully explore this fantasy! I would talk to your wife - if you don’t want to overtly tell her you know about her and your mutual friend, I would playfully suggest she try to sleep with him and see how she responds? Good luck - sounds fun!
Hi! I was wondering if when you use a tampon for the first time and you're a virgin, does that hurt?
Hey there! To answer your question … potentially it could. Basically what causes the pain, if at all, is the hymen. There is a great deal of misinformation about the hymen and initial pain when using a tampon or experiencing penetration for the first time. The hymen is actually a flexible mucus membrane that most often does not cover the entire vaginal entrance. For many people it usually stretches and eventually becomes part of the vaginal walls without much physical discomfort. However, there are some who experience a bit more difficulty, either because their hymen is thicker or actually does cover the entire opening. If you’re nervous about using a tampon, I would encourage you to do a bit of self exploration! If you feel comfortable, use a mirror and take a look. You can very gently use a finger to test out how it feels. Lastly, don’t feel pressured to use a tampon. Pads get a bad rep for some reason but they are an equally sufficient menstrual product. If you’re worried that people might be able to tell you’re wearing a pad, I assure you that most often, they can’t :) I hope this helps!
I'm sorry, I am just so incredibly frustrated about how much contradiction there is on the internet and in the medical field. I swear, I've been hurt more from the stigmas surrounding herpes than by the actual virus itself. I basically just don't know where to turn to anymore for information, especially for LGBT couples. I have so many questions. Do you have any recommended places to look? Or people to talk to? I don't want to bomb your inbox with questions.
You can ask me questions! There is a tremendous HSV community on tumblr, many of whom are in the LBGTQ*/GSM community as well (wink wink) Followers, please introduce yourselves!
Hi! Have you seen the Hysterical Literature gifset going around? I thought it might suit your blog - it's ladies reading literature of their own choice out loud while getting off. Anyway I thought some of your followers and/or you might be interested in it, since it's very female friendly porn. It's possible you already posted it and I didn't see it though. (no need to answer this on your blog or anything, it's just a suggestion) (<3 And I'm glad to see your posts back on my dash)
I have and I really like it! For those who haven’t seen this, Hysterical Literature, is a project by Clayton Cubitt, a photographer and fimlmaker, where he films people reading literature at a table while they masturbate with a vibrator. Its really wonderful to watch! Click the link to take a gander. Thanks for reminding me of this great art project :)
Hey! So I am experiencing something whenever I have a really intense orgasm and Im not sure how normal it is. Now i have not made my sexual debut but when i am masturbating and it gets intense my mouth gets so so so so dry and it takes a ton of water to fix this. I have no idea if this is normal or if something might be wrong. Thanks!
i’ve heard of this before - I think fuckyeahsexeducation has had a few posts about this? I think this is something that happens, but I would perhaps talk to your medical provider to make sure something else isn’t going on. Most importantly, are you drinking enough water regularly? Your orgasms might be exacerbating a pre-existing dehydration.
Uh, hey. This is probably a kind of weird question, I'm really not a troll. I'm female, bi, 17, and a virgin. The thing is, to me at least, my vagina smells good. As in, makes me kind of horny. Is this normal? Is it because I'm bi?
Not a weird question at all - in fact, it is a very common thing to enjoy, across sexual orientations! And it is also completely fine to be aroused by your own aromas! Enjoy it!
Okay, I have a bit of a conundrum. So, I contracted genital herpes when I received unprotected oral (from someone with a cold-sore). I have heard different things, from so many different sources, that I no longer know who or what to believe. Do I technically have Type 2? Or do I just have Type 1 genitally (which is what the doctor told me)? And if I gave it to someone, what would they have (or where would they have it)?
Its possible for people to have type 2 orally and type 1 genitally - its all about how you contracted it. If your doctor told you that you have HSV-1 genitally, I would say that is likely what you have. If you transmitted to someone else, they too would have HSV-1. Does this help?
by Cyree Jarelle Johnson
I’m (not) sorry to inform you that femme privilege does not exist. Not in the queer community. Not in the world at large. Does. Not. Exist. In fact, the very idea of inherent “femme privilege” is rooted in misguided misogyny. It operates under the erroneous idea that the discrimination and violence that femmes in particular and feminities in general experience is not based on our gender presentations. It relies on the idea that all femmes are cisgendered and cissexual, which is cissexist. It anachronistically leaves out femme as a genderqueer identity. It is ignorant to the continuing oppression of women, femmes, and other femininities by patriarchy and masculine privilege.
The most common argument for femme privilege I encounter is that femmes are not the recipients of physical and spiritual violence because of their femininity, while female masculinities are frequently the target of such assaults. Even upon first glance this ignores the constant reality of rape and sexual assault in the lives of lots of transgressive femininities. Personally, I have been “corrective”ly raped twice for being femme, once by a doctor when I was 17 after coming out on my intake forms and the second time during my time working at a bar in Newark. According to a study performed by Keren Lehavot, Ph.D. “women who identify as “femme” (or feminine) and have a more feminine appearance report more adult sexual assaults” than women in the study who identified as “butch”.
That’s not even to speak of the harassment that I experience every day on the street. Not just the street, everywhere I go. It is frequently terrifying, and it also leads to more terrifying things. Of course, omnipresent harassment is afforded to masculine of center folks as well: because in both cases the harassers are targeting our gender presentation. For real, they are. The truly hate us both, for the same reason. Our harassers are deeply invested in the control and ownership of bodies they perceive as “women”. They want to decide who gets to be included in that category, and what that identity means. It is not a complement when I am catcalled, grabbed, pushed, smacked, and groped on the street, it is an insult. And it is certainly not a privilege.
Then there’s that weird concept of passing privilege that I don’t even think works for sexual identity in the way that it does for race, but is so frequently employed that way. Racial groups have phenotypical markers that differentiate their skin and hair and body features from that of a privileged race. Being gay or queer looks different in every corner of this country and every corner of the world.
The idea of cisfemmes passing for straight and receiving straight privilege ignores the fact that to patriarchy inside every lesbian lies a straight woman. Straight people don’t see anything but straight. Even if very masculine female identified folks are instantly read as gay by heterosexuals, does that necessarily make not experiencing that a privilege? Passing is a privilege when you pass into a group that has privilege. “Woman” is not an inherently privileged category at all, nor is “feminine”. Femininity, queer and straight alike, is viewed as frivolous and shallow, stupid and excessive. Most importantly, it is taken much less seriously than masculinity.
Moreover, regarding femmeness as privilege ignores the existence of femmes who are trans*women, androfemmes, kikis, and all those who may simultaneously be femme and not able to pass for straight or even pass for feminine. It forgets us femmes who try and fail and try and fail again to be seen as authentically feminine. We femmes with tapers and Caesars lined up. We femmes who are 6’4 in heels and rock a bitchin’ limp that people frequently comment on yet rarely stare at. We femmes who sit gap legged in flannel waiting for folks to stop telling them to be more feminine when we are trying as hard as we fucking can.
In her interview with Elixher.com, Brown Grrlz Project Co-Founder Trinz Massiah writes that femme privilege “is a matter of perspective. A femme identified womyn has to negotiate always safe spaces to “come out” over and over again… Can you imagine the anxiety of negotiating safe spaces constantly?” Central to femme invisibility (which should be called femme erasure, in my opinion) is the allegation that femmes are not “gay looking”. Ok, then who is and why? Who gets the privilege to set the tone of the conversation of what it means to look queer or gay? Clearly not femmes or we would have at least included ourselves.
There is the problem of “looking straight” and needing to access queer/gay safe spaces and being questioned uncomfortably. Of spending time scrimping and saving to dress up for the dyke bar and pay the cover just to have everyone treat you like a fag hag. Of being out for almost a decade and still getting treated like an interloper until someone sees me with a stud they know. Of being made to find people to vouch for your dykedom. Of having to come out every day to everyone, often several times to the same people because apparently femmes are not experts on their own lives.
So, in short, don’t come at me with that shit. Quit relegating feminitinity to the backburners of queerness because of a faulty generalization. Check your own association of femmeness with excess and shallowness and stupidity. Learn how to see femmes, and stop blaming us for our own erasure.
Some really interesting points that resonate with me. Although I tried to avoid discussions that become oppression competitions, I think its really important to look at the issues the op is raising. i resonate!! Thoughts?
I was recognized on the bus yesterday because of the blog/youtube videos. She was really sweet and said some really nice things (you made my day Gina!!)! This is the third time this has happened since starting this blog … has this happened to anyone else? Each time I’m always very shocked. I suppose I’m shocked every day when I continue to see people follow, like, reblog, message me, view my videos etc. Its very humbling. So, I just wanted to say a very sincere THANK YOU to all of you for engaging with my content, contributing the way you do and helping to establish a really great little corner of the tumblrsphere :) Happy Wednesday y’all
Hi, what can I take to suppress the herpes virus?
Beyond Valtrex or Acyclovir, you have quite a few options. Vitamin C, Lysine and Red Marine Algae are fantastic supplements to take. Using lubricants with Carrageenan. Making sure you get plenty of rest and keep an eye on your stress levels. For myself, changing my shaving routine helped and making certain dietary changes as well. Like I said to the last anon, its about knowing your body and what works well for you and your lifestyle. Hope this helps :)
I'm sorry, to follow up on the question about what to take in order to suppress the virus, are supplements necessary for everyone diagnosed with HSV or just those people who experience frequent outbreaks?
It’s up to you. If you feel like not taking anything is working for you, then continue to do just that. But if you feel like there is more you could do, then you certainly have options! Its all about listening to your body and, I think, when you’re in a relationship or have sexual partners its important to up your regime to make sure you’re doing your best to keep everyone where they want to be.
Hi! I've been reading through your blog for the last hour, and it's incredible! My boyfriend of a month just told me that he has herpes. He cried when he told me, and so did I. I love him, but I don't know all the risks if he gives me herpes too. Is there anything he can do to lessen the risk of me getting it? Thank you!
Thanks for this question! It took a great deal of courage for your boyfriend to share this information and is certainly an indication of where he’s at in terms of respecting you and your body! These are good things! And its even better that you’re asking about the risks.
First and foremost, I encourage the two of you to visit the doctor or your local planned parenthood and talk to a medical provider about your circumstance.
Although I am not a doctor, this is some of my advice:
Herpes operates differently in different bodies. Ask your partner how often he has expressions (a term I try to use instead of outbreak) and if he takes prescription medication. Ask what other methods he uses to suppress the virus (vitamins, homeopathic treatments etc.) Basically, you both want to make sure you’re doing all you can to keep the virus suppressed - when the virus is “hiding”, transmission is virtually impossible (however, he can be virally shedding without having an outbreak). Use protection and you can even use lubricants with carraggenan (seaweed extract proven to assist in reducing risk of transmission).
Ultimately, the decision is up to you. Whether it is with your current boyfriend or not, our risk of contracting any number of STD’s is relatively the same. Being with someone who has herpes requires an increased communication, trust and comfort. You have to be comfortable to ask questions and be intimate with one another in new ways, which I believe has more potential to strengthen a bond rather than deteriorate it.
I hope this helps and good luck with your decision! Take your time, but be as honest with your partner as he was with you.