Sex + Gender
Queer + Feminist
Social theory + Cultural Critique

So, during my twenties, my personal mission was to face, confront, and heal my herpes diagnoses (the original inspiration for this blog!). After dedicating much of the last 6 years to this crusade (this blog, attending UC Berkeley and focusing all of my feminist research on the subject, personal therapy etc.) I feel quite settled into and fully accept the fact that I live my life with HSV. So, at almost 30 years old, it is time to face, confront, and heal my profoundly deep and dysfunctional body image. It is my hope to share with you all along this journey just as I have with herpes. Thank you for your love and support! Lets do this! 

If you have ever looked upon another persons body and deemed yourself righteous and arrogant enough to judge it as anything less than PERFECT exactly how it is, then you are a fool. As if you are the all-seeing, all-knowing omnipresent judge of what the “truth” of beauty is. What kind of fucking world do we live in? The saddest part of all is that I too am one of these fools who has placed this arrogant judgement most squarely upon my own reflection. Such a fool am I to think I have eyes clear enough to see who I really am. 


Sooo I’m a finalist for Oakland’s Queer Idol. I’ll be competing for the title and $500 at Oakland Pride at the end of this month! I’m so excited! (If you live in the Bay and plan on going to pride show me some love!!!) I haven’t been singing in recent years and my friends forced me to come out for this competition and ….. here I am! Enjoy! Let me know what you think :) 

For the morning crowd :) 

Sooo I’m a finalist for Oakland’s Queer Idol. I’ll be competing for the title and $500 at Oakland Pride at the end of this month! I’m so excited! (If you live in the Bay and plan on going to pride show me some love!!!) I haven’t been singing in recent years and my friends forced me to come out for this competition and ….. here I am! Enjoy! Let me know what you think :) 

Feminist/animal studies friends! Have any of you seen Dawn of The Planet of the Apes? I just saw it and wow, quite a lot is going on in this film! What were your thoughts?

Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass

Singing about body positivity! 

Do you believe that sex is a basic human need? Is it necessary to have a healthy sex life to have a happy, fulfilling, and stable life?

A question by Anonymous

These are two great questions, but I don’t think they are mutually exclusive.  I think sexuality, in all of its forms (including asexuality, which IS a sexuality) is intrinsic to the human experience. Considering it a basic human need, however, is a difficult question to consider. Our sense of identity/self is always tied up with sexuality and sexual awareness. This is not easily extractable as some singular ‘biological’ expression of human consciousness, but also a constant moment-to-moment negotiation with societies and cultures that are saturated with sexuality. Furthermore, as social people, we are constantly negotiating the sexuality of others and situating ourselves in relation to that as well. So, is the act of sex a basic human need? For some people, yes. For others, no. Has it become a fundamental part of our human socio-cultural experience? Yes, I would say it has - even if only in a symbolic sense. Regarding your last question, I would argue it is not universally necessary to have a healthy sex life in order to live a happy, fulfilling, and stable life. Not in the slightest. There are plenty of people who are ace, demi, or celibate (there are many, many shades of sexuality here) that are leading wonderful and beautiful lives. I suppose the last thing I will say here is that I am always very reluctant to extract something like sex, for instance, and thing of it as a singular modality of life. Nothing is ever extractable. Everything is tied up together, just like a rhizome. We cannot think of sex without thinking of economics, history, gender, race, ability, geography, language etc. These things are constantly in conversation with each other affecting the way an individual comes to understand the self and then relate with the outer world. 

The Sex Uneducated Needs Your Help!

Hi everyone! 

I am reaching out to all you lovely people to see if you could help me?

I recently graduated from UC Berkeley with a BA in Gender and Women’s Studies. I still live in the Bay Area and plan to remain here for the foreseeable future. 

After blogging for years about gender, sexuality, sexual health, and social issues along with my years studying these aspects of life academically, I want to do it professionally!

If you or anyone you know has a position in the Bay Area for a company or non-profit that deals directly with these issues, please contact me! 

Thank you SO much! 

All the best


TW: rape




Rapists can be attractive.

Rapists can be charismatic.

Rapists can be successful, funny, and smart.

None of these things mean they are not capable of rape. But it does mean that people are more likely to ignore it, brush aside this truth, and make excuses for the rapists, because “they just don’t see it”…

Stop perpetuating the harmful stereotype, the harmful myth that rapists are all creepy dudes who hide in dark alleys or “look like they might rape you”.

You probably know a rapist. 

And that rapist may be female.

You know what would be really great? If you stopped shitting on posts, and left them as they were purposefully intended, instead of derailing them. I see that is a pattern on your blog.

Instead of making yourself useful in the fight to advocate against how male rape victims may be specifically shamed in our patriarchal society, you have to go tag along to a bunch of posts people have made and write “you mean people not men”, “it happens to men too”. It happens to men is a full sentence all on its own. You don’t need to the too, and you don’t need to throw women under the bus to support women.

And guess what? My post was gender neutral. That was fucking intentional. Because I know that although most rapists (of female and male victims) will be male, there are female rapists out there. I wasn’t forgetting anything in my post, and you certainly didn’t add anything to it.


it’s interesting but also terrifying to see the ways that capitalism has shaped our language and how we talk about bodies. can you be useful? can you be a productive member of society? can you work? can you make money? that is all this comes back to. so much ableist and fat phobic rhetoric is, at its core, does your body enable you to produce capital. if not, then you are useless and don’t deserve humanity. 

And also how the body makes you a good consumer. Marx does such an incredible job of talking about the body within a capitalist framework in Estranged Labour. For example:

The worker becomes all the poorer the more wealth he produces, the more his production increases in power and size. The worker becomes an ever cheaper commodity the more commodities he creates. The devaluation of the world of men is in direct proportion to the increasing value of the world of things. Labor produces not only commodities; it produces itself and the worker as a commodity – and this at the same rate at which it produces commodities in general.

I think of this section in relation to the body, to ableism, and to how even, even as identity politics has moved marginalized identities into more visibility, they are all enveloped into the capitalist machine. This has been notably discussed regarding the LBGT community. (If only Marx was more aware of gender!) 

(via easytobearound)