Sorry to add another message to your mound of them, but I was wondering if you had any advice. My boyfriend has a sex drive that is so much higher than mine, and obviously this creates some issues. We never have sex unless we both want to, of our own agency, but he's still unsatisfied. He keeps suggesting ways to supposedly raise my libido, but it rubs me the wrong way. Is it wrong of me to just tell him to masturbate more or break up with me? It's just frustrating for both of us.
Well, I think you have to ask yourself why you think your libido is at its current state. Is it how it has always been? Does it have to with how you really feel about your partner and the sexual activities you engage in? Are you on birth control? Do you have any sexual trauma?
Your relationship involves two people and relationships require that the people involved compromise - work together as a team in a way. If you are committed to your relationship and don’t feel like there is any underlying issue that is making itself known through your libido, then I would say consider changing your perspective of your sexual relationship and try new things to re-excite you so you honor your partners needs.
I don’t think it is a matter of “right and wrong” if you are inclined to tell him to masturbate more or break up with you, I just think that it suggests something that might be going unsaid? My best advice to you, based on the information you’ve provided in your ask, is to really sit with what you’re feeling/considering and try and be honest about what is happening between you and your partner. Once you’ve been able to locate your truth, then you can act on it with integrity. Does that make sense?
Lower libido just because? Make changes that satisfy both you and your partner. Lower libido because of birth control? Call the doctor and change prescription. Lower libido because you’re having complex feelings about your partner? Time to reassess the relationship. Does this help?
