THE SEX UNEDUCATED

TW: abuse

I have a particularly pervasive relationship with the HSV-2 virus. When I am not on medication, I have outbreaks often. 

The first person I transmitted to was the first person I slept with after being with the man who transmitted to me. Separate from the fact that he gifted me with genital herpes, our relationship was deeply dysfunctional, abusive and very traumatic, in many ways. After we stopped seeing one another, I was not in a good way. I was engaging in a lot of behaviors in order to cope with the pain I was feeling.

I was out with friends one evening, drinking excessively. From what I remember, I met T while at a house party. I went in and out of consciousness throughout the evening, due to the amount of alcohol I was consuming. We ended up sleeping together. We used condoms but due to my state, I couldn’t tell him (and didn’t have any idea as to how to tell him) that I had an STD. He wanted to continue to see me after that night and I obliged. It was nice to have attention from someone new. I eventually told him and he was surprisingly receptive to the information. We always used condoms. However, I was having an expression one week. I was too ashamed to tell him, paralyzed by fear and we had sex. I kept my hand over the sore during sex thinking this would prevent transmission, but it didn’t. I transmitted HSV-2 to him. It didn’t end well between us because of this. He had every right to be upset. I was incredibly irresponsible - I had another persons sexual health in my hands and I did not take care of it. He did, however, contact me a year or so later an apologize for how he treated me. This is not a period of my life I am proud of. 

The second person was B. I told B before anything physical happened. B and I loved each other very much and he wanted to be with me - all of me. He did not want to use protection. We discussed the issue as adults, both got tested and decided that, as a couple, we wouldn’t use condoms. He eventually contracted it from me too. Initially, he had his own emotional reaction, which is to be expected and is completely understandable. After some time processing, he accepted what he committed to when we agreed to not use protection. He holds no ill feelings towards me regarding this issue. 

Since contracting HSV, I have had many sexual partners. These are the only two I have transmitted to - both because I engaged in sexual activity at the time of an expression (even during healing). This is why I cannot stress enough to not engage in sexual activity until the outbreak is healed in its entirety.