thatfeministqueer

toushindaisblogofwonders:

laughingsquid:

New Music Video by Boggie Shows Digital Beauty Retouching in Real Time

I cannot stop watching this. The patient, controlled defiance (I am worth more than what you’re doing to me) on her face during the instrumental bit around 2:20 is heartrending.

Wow. This is very, very interesting. I feel the weight of this illusion daily - trained to see what isn’t even real to be what is “truly” beautiful and should, therefore, be “desired”. 

fuckyeahsexpositivity

disabledpeoplearesexy:

takebacksexuality:

I have been doing some research on sex and disability, and thought I would share some of the links I have found. This will be useful for me in the future as a resource, and hopefully to others too.


Disability and Sex General Links

Huge amazing list of links! Have not read all of them so don’t know if there might be some stuff that’s not so good in there, but reblogging because lots are likely to be useful for people who follow.

Anonymous asked:

in your opinion, what do you think is cringe-worthy about orange is the new black? i watch it too and i've heard only good things (which is good since it's a good show) but i've never really heard the other side.

Hm. First of all, I like the show. I devoured the first season in 3 days. I feel like it is talking about race, gender, and sexuality in ways that no other show is doing. Laverne Cox is a goddess and that bisexuality is being so visibly explored (plus the unique anxieties bisexuality/pansexuality invokes) is really fantastic. However, like everything that is meant to be consumed, the show is created within a neoliberal capitalist framework and that comes through. It comes through in the way they write or act and certainly, in this case, the way they advertise. But this is an impossible thing to remedy and OITNB is certainly not unique in this. We could say this about almost everything within pop-culture …. 

Anonymous asked:

Regarding the last post, prison is not a set, but OITNB takes place on a set, and the photoshoot is calling attention to that, that these actresses aren't prisoners, that OITNB is not a documentary. The photoshoot is actually quite amazing in that it calls attention to the glamour of the stars of the show and divorces the act of creating the show from the plot of the show itself.

I can see that, but I don’t know if or how that translates. The show, already, is doing some paradoxical things with race/gender/sexuality which makes it compelling to watch, albeit with a cringe every now and then. But these photos, to me, work in favor of what makes the show cringe-worthy. These pictures are glorifying something that is profoundly wrong with the United States. The prison industrial complex, and the ways in which it works upon the bodies of poc/trans/queer folks is really fucking serious and violent and leaving these pictures without commentary/critique allows a very misleading image of prison life to be consumed and then ultimately reproduced.

chescaleigh
I do feel there is a preoccupation with that. The preoccupation with transition and surgery objectifies trans people. And then we don’t get to really deal with the real lived experiences. The reality of trans people’s lives is that so often we are targets of violence. We experience discrimination disproportionately to the rest of the community. Our unemployment rate is twice the national average; if you are a trans person of color, that rate is four times the national average. The homicide rate is highest among trans women. If we focus on transition, we don’t actually get to talk about those things.
whoneedssexed
edinburghsexpression:

We had a dental dam laid out on our Freshers’ Week stall & so many of you asked us what it was & how it worked that we thought we’d write a short introductory post, which should hopefully answer all your questions.
What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is a thin rectangle of latex which can be used during oral sex to reduce the risk of STI transmission - they work in the same way as condoms, by creating a barrier between bodily fluids & skin. People often view oral sex as less risky, but both herpes & HPV can be transferred through mouth to vulva contact, so it’s important to protect yourself.
Dental dams are also great for reducing your risk of getting a vaginal infection & for annilingus, since they prevent any direct contact between the mouth & anus, which some people might not feel comfortable with.
You can buy dental dams in most large pharmacies, get them from the GUM clinic, or though the C:Card scheme on campus. They come in lots of different flavours, or you could add flavoured lube (although be careful if you’re susceptible to yeast infections, since sugary flavoured lubes will up your risk of infection).
So, how do I use a dental dam?
First off, check the packet. Dental dams usually come in a thin, film packet, so check that there aren’t any tears or that the packet is particularly wrinkled, since these both up the chances of the dental dam being damaged. Next check that the dental dam is within it’s use-by date, & has a CE Mark, & preferably also a kitemark (these guarantee it is safe & effective).
If everything looks ok, open the packet, being careful not to tear the dental dam itself. Dentals usually come folded up with a little latex band to keep them in place, so take this off & then unfold the dam.
At this point you can add lube (not oil-based as this will make it more likely to split) to the dental dam (on one or both sides) & place it on either the vulva or anus, making sure it doesn’t get folded.
You can now perform cunnilingus or annilingus to your’s & your partner’s delight! The important thing to remember is never to move the dam from one orifice to another, & never turn the dental dam over since this stops it from being an effective form of protection. Feel free to add some extra lube if it dries out.
Once you’re done, wrap the dental dam up in some tissue & throw it in the bin. Dental dams are non-reusable so make sure you have a new one each time you have oral sex, & for each person who has oral sex performed on them.
I can’t get hold of dental dams, are there any alternatives?
Dental dams can be tricky to get hold of (especially if you’re looking for latex-free ones) although the Advice Place usually have a good selection in the C:Card cupboard.
If you can’t get a hold of them, both latex gloves & condoms can be used as a replacement. Simply cut the glove or condom down the sides to create a rectangle, then you can use it just the same as a dental dam.
In a push, you can also use non-microwaveable saran wrap or cling film, although this is obviously not ideal & likely to be less comfortable.
Can I use a dental dam for scissoring?
Absolutely! STIs can be passed between vaginas, so if you & your partner both have a vulva & want to stay safe whilst grinding or scissoring a dental dam is a great option. One of you simply clips the dental dam in place using a garter belt or a dental dam harness (although these are usually expensive & difficult to find), & then you’re free to go. Just make sure that the dam doesn’t tear or shift & you’ll both be protected.
Dental dams are rarely discussed in sex education at school (this is part of a wider problem with schools only focusing on penis in vagina sex) but they’re a great way to get the maximum amount of fun out of sex whilst keeping you & your partner(s) safe.

edinburghsexpression:

We had a dental dam laid out on our Freshers’ Week stall & so many of you asked us what it was & how it worked that we thought we’d write a short introductory post, which should hopefully answer all your questions.

What is a dental dam?

A dental dam is a thin rectangle of latex which can be used during oral sex to reduce the risk of STI transmission - they work in the same way as condoms, by creating a barrier between bodily fluids & skin. People often view oral sex as less risky, but both herpes & HPV can be transferred through mouth to vulva contact, so it’s important to protect yourself.

Dental dams are also great for reducing your risk of getting a vaginal infection & for annilingus, since they prevent any direct contact between the mouth & anus, which some people might not feel comfortable with.

You can buy dental dams in most large pharmacies, get them from the GUM clinic, or though the C:Card scheme on campus. They come in lots of different flavours, or you could add flavoured lube (although be careful if you’re susceptible to yeast infections, since sugary flavoured lubes will up your risk of infection).

So, how do I use a dental dam?

  1. First off, check the packet. Dental dams usually come in a thin, film packet, so check that there aren’t any tears or that the packet is particularly wrinkled, since these both up the chances of the dental dam being damaged. Next check that the dental dam is within it’s use-by date, & has a CE Mark, & preferably also a kitemark (these guarantee it is safe & effective).
  2. If everything looks ok, open the packet, being careful not to tear the dental dam itself. Dentals usually come folded up with a little latex band to keep them in place, so take this off & then unfold the dam.
  3. At this point you can add lube (not oil-based as this will make it more likely to split) to the dental dam (on one or both sides) & place it on either the vulva or anus, making sure it doesn’t get folded.
  4. You can now perform cunnilingus or annilingus to your’s & your partner’s delight! The important thing to remember is never to move the dam from one orifice to another, & never turn the dental dam over since this stops it from being an effective form of protection. Feel free to add some extra lube if it dries out.
  5. Once you’re done, wrap the dental dam up in some tissue & throw it in the bin. Dental dams are non-reusable so make sure you have a new one each time you have oral sex, & for each person who has oral sex performed on them.

I can’t get hold of dental dams, are there any alternatives?

Dental dams can be tricky to get hold of (especially if you’re looking for latex-free ones) although the Advice Place usually have a good selection in the C:Card cupboard.

If you can’t get a hold of them, both latex gloves & condoms can be used as a replacement. Simply cut the glove or condom down the sides to create a rectangle, then you can use it just the same as a dental dam.

In a push, you can also use non-microwaveable saran wrap or cling film, although this is obviously not ideal & likely to be less comfortable.

Can I use a dental dam for scissoring?

Absolutely! STIs can be passed between vaginas, so if you & your partner both have a vulva & want to stay safe whilst grinding or scissoring a dental dam is a great option. One of you simply clips the dental dam in place using a garter belt or a dental dam harness (although these are usually expensive & difficult to find), & then you’re free to go. Just make sure that the dam doesn’t tear or shift & you’ll both be protected.

Dental dams are rarely discussed in sex education at school (this is part of a wider problem with schools only focusing on penis in vagina sex) but they’re a great way to get the maximum amount of fun out of sex whilst keeping you & your partner(s) safe.

lgbtq-pride4all

fuckyeahsexeducation

This Way, Not That Way: Avoiding One of the Most Common Condom Oops

hellyeahscarleteen:

image

One of the most common condom whoopsies we hear about from our users involves themselves or a partner going to put a condom on, then discovering they’ve put it on the wrong way.

Often, after doing that, they’ll also report following that up with a second common oops, which is just flipping that same condom over and then putting it on the right way.

Condoms are highly effective safer sex tools to reduce the risk of transmitting or acquiring STIs, as well as a very effective method of contraception. But that effectiveness depends a whole lot on using them not just consistently, but properly. This isn’t proper use.

If you can see the image here on the page, you’ll notice the edge of the condom is rolled facing up. Like the brim of a hat. Or a rolled up sock or stocking before you put it on. Or, if you cuff your jeans, how the cuff looks when you look down at it.

Rolled up, towards you when you’re looking at it, rather than rolled under or down, with the rolled-up rim facing away from you.

When you — or a partner — go to put it on a penis, toy or prosthetic, you want to be looking at it like that, with that rolled edge facing up, then roll it down from there, which will usually be easy when it’s the right way.

If it’s a struggle to roll down, chances are when you look at it, you’ll find it’s not facing the right way: and whoops, you or yours didn’t put it on right.

If that happens, you’ll need to toss that condom out, and try again with a new one.

That one you flubbed with is no good to you anymore. It’s potentially had contact with fluids or pathogens if it’s had contact with whatever it was being put on, the fluids or pathogens a condom, properly used, keeps you from having contact with.

Read the rest at Scarleteen here!

What does forgiveness look like?

TW: abuse, mental health, misogyny, sex addiction

I tried to write some big long complicated post, but instead I’ve ended up with this.

I was prescribed Zoloft yesterday. My stress and anxiety have been so high that I’ve created a serious hormonal imbalance for myself, which has created symptoms that only compound my stress and anxiety.  A Looping Effect. I think my body is communicating with me? 

It is saying, help

So I starting taking the Zoloft. Today is day two and, I don’t know if it is the actual medication or just the relief of knowing that I could find some small amount of peace, but I feel better (slightly). Soon after I take it, I momentarily feel my brain working. Like little fires being burned in the meadows of my mind. 

I’m going back to therapy on Thursday. I haven’t been to therapy since 2008. I hope we like each other, my therapist and I, that they are able to help me move through this. 

My head says awful things to me sometimes. It likes to punish me - I’ve made so many unbelievable mistakes this past year. Life shattering mistakes that pushed the relationships that mean the most to me to the brink of existing. I didn’t speak to my sister for six months. Not a word. The silence between us was made up for in nightmares and telepathic (imaginary?) arguments. 

When my head doesn’t say the awful things, I just hear my ex-boyfriend on repeat.

You should know that there was not an inch of my body that he didn’t critique.

"I hope our children don’t get your feet"

"You’re just not my type"

"You’re vagina is boring"

If it wasn’t my body that he was critiquing, he would compare me to every other woman on the street.

"She’s cute. I’d love to fuck her"

He stored hundreds of screenshots of random people from his Tinder account on his phone and would show them to me. Hundreds. One weekend in Los Angeles I found myself on the floor, beating my own legs in rage, as he told me he felt like I was preventing him from sleeping with other people, that I was imprisoning him. He would stay up late watching porn and masturbating, leaving his underwear in the living room and the trashcan full of tissues, as if to say fuck you you are not enough for me. 

This is not what non-monogamy looks like.

My body nor my sexuality was not enough for him to crumple, so he attacked my mind too. 

"School is the only thing you’re good at" he would say, because he felt that I did a poor job of doing the dishes. "You’d forget to pick up our kids from school you’re so absentminded". 

Now we aren’t together its as if he is a different person. Now he is kind and thoughtful, patient. The other day he remarked at how “tiny” I was, that he could “just put me in his pocket”. I wanted to strangle him, but instead I stayed still like the concrete pavement and didn’t let him see my quivering insides.

None of this describes the depth of what I experienced with this man. None of this explains or gives life to the enormity of his rage, to the depths of his hopelessness, nor the complexity of sexuality. None of this does justice to how all of these characteristics came together to rob me of everything good within me every single day. 

Furthermore, I cannot reconcile the fact that I chose him, I chose that reality, I chose him. I was not a victim in that relationship - he never lied to me. He let me know from beginning EXACTLY what I was getting into, and I said yes. What does he reveal about me? What does he reflect?

There is a voice inside of me that says: That my life is so sweet now we are not together, that the goodness of my coworker (who was one of the only lights I had around me as I tried for months to leave) is quite possibly the most precious love I have ever known, that I still managed to achieve a 4.0 at UC Berkeley and maintain this blog feels so profoundly painful to me. I am angry with myself that I chose to power through and get over myself to perform well. That despite being submerged in the shadows of my psyche, a kind and good person was able to witness me and love me despite panic attacks, anxiety, and intense body dysmorphia. Someone who hurts their sister the way i did, someone who disappoints their best friend the way I did, someone who allows and invites the kind of abuse i remained in does not deserve exceptional love, or joy, or to feel beautiful. 

This is the voice I attempt each day to convince is wrong. They have to be wrong. 

Mostly I am over myself. I am tired. So many adventures with “interesting” people who are really just deeply wounded and divert me from living my own life. Laura, if you want adventure, go on a trip, do LSD, finally run the marathon you’ve wanted to, write a book, or let yourself actually love someone for once. Actually love yourself, Laura. Forgive yourself. Perhaps that is the adventure of a life time.